I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
