Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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