He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
