I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
