I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Everclear isn't food dammit
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
