My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
