Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
