I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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