ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
