And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
