im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
