the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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