Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
