Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
