just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
