I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
