Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
