you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
barbara walters just said penis...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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