Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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