Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
