I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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