Sry I called you an 8
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
