Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
