What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
