so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
