He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
high people should be assigned attendants
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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