youre lurking in front of me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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