Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
this is an emotional support booty call
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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