you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
