I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize