make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize