I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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