get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
