The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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