Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
