He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
