maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
