I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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