I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Bring me that man meat
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
