i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just gift wrapped bread.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
