Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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