I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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