i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
