In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
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