it's too hot outside to masturbate.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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