We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
