Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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