I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
