I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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