how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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