I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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