Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize