I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
