Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
