Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
