So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
