third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
