I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So much rum. So many feels.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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