I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
A bitchslap is in order.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
