theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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