it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
