I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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