Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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