Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
