I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
