I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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