I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
