We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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