I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
