Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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